I babysat Baby AJ last night. Oh, he is a precious baby!!! He has his daddy's muscular legs. He is so sweet - not much of a complainer. Until he is hungry that, is. He definitely takes after his daddy in that respect!
Andrew called while I was holding AJ. Laura and Julia had gone out to dinner at Gino's nearby. Andrew sounded a little sad, especially when I told him I was holding his son.
Later, Julia told me Andrew had been having a hard time on the phone earlier. "He is getting really restless at Coffee Creek", she told me. "He is anxious about knowing where they are going to send him"
I told her he needs to be transfered. He had too much time on his hands to think, and worry.
She told me she was trying to think of something to say to cheer him up. And than it hit her. She said out of the blue, "Chicken feet!"
That made him laugh. It is one of his favorite crazy, random sayings.
So when he called me this morning and told me how he was worrying because Taylor and Julia were going to a Blazer game tonight, I told him not to worry, but pray.
Then I told him Julia had a message for him.
"What?" he asked in a stressed out voice.
"Chicken feet!" I said, laughing.
He laughed too.
I sure hope this week goes by fast. He is only supposed to be at Coffee Creek 4 to 6 weeks. We are going on our 4th week right now.
More tomorrow...
Chicken Feet!
:)
Monday, December 30, 2019
Sunday, December 29, 2019
Day 21: GPA
My dad is in the ER. Andrew's grandpa. It hurts my heart to think that he might die while Andrew is doing time. The last time my dad saw Andrew he told him, "You will be o.k. I'll see you when you get out".
I think he will be o.k. He collapsed at a restaurant. But when the paramedics arrived, he had a steady heartbeat and good blood pressure. Nevertheless, we never know how much longer he will be with us. I am most concerned about my mom. She has been his caregiver the last few years. She is a retired RN and these last few years have brought them very close together.
I talked to Andrew on the phone. Julia had told him about GPA. I told him I thought GPA would be ok.
"I know", he said.
He asked me if I could order him another book. This made me smile. I am always happy to get books for my son!
This time he wanted fiction. He asked about "fantasy", I didn't think that was the right genre for him. When I described it and told him "The Hobbit" is considered fantasy, he did not sound so interested.
I suggested suspense. I recently finished the "Jane Hawk" series by Dean Koontz. It's fast paced and intriguing, and not too scary or disturbing.
He liked the sound of that one. So I ordered the first book from Amazon just now.
The Silent Corner, Book #1 of the Jane Hawk Series by Dean Koontz.
I hope he gets it soon. It will be so fulfilling to discuss a book that I read with my son.
Today is Day 21. He's been in 3 weeks. I hope next week they decide where they are sending him. And I hope to see that release date go down by at least 4 months!
More later....
I think he will be o.k. He collapsed at a restaurant. But when the paramedics arrived, he had a steady heartbeat and good blood pressure. Nevertheless, we never know how much longer he will be with us. I am most concerned about my mom. She has been his caregiver the last few years. She is a retired RN and these last few years have brought them very close together.
I talked to Andrew on the phone. Julia had told him about GPA. I told him I thought GPA would be ok.
"I know", he said.
He asked me if I could order him another book. This made me smile. I am always happy to get books for my son!
This time he wanted fiction. He asked about "fantasy", I didn't think that was the right genre for him. When I described it and told him "The Hobbit" is considered fantasy, he did not sound so interested.
I suggested suspense. I recently finished the "Jane Hawk" series by Dean Koontz. It's fast paced and intriguing, and not too scary or disturbing.
He liked the sound of that one. So I ordered the first book from Amazon just now.
The Silent Corner, Book #1 of the Jane Hawk Series by Dean Koontz.
I hope he gets it soon. It will be so fulfilling to discuss a book that I read with my son.
Today is Day 21. He's been in 3 weeks. I hope next week they decide where they are sending him. And I hope to see that release date go down by at least 4 months!
More later....
Day 23: A New Book
I am reading an incredible book called The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Singer. It is helping me stay balanced and not follow every negative thought or emotion that comes up. I think Andrew would like it. I texted him a few quotes this morning.
I have not yet heard from him today. But he is in my heart. I pray for him daily. A sweet lady at church asked about him today. I told her he is going on 4 weeks at Coffee Creek and that he is being positive and strong. We are looking forward to when he is moved to his permanent facility and are praying it is not too far away.
But he will survive and thrive. God is here with us.
I am going to babysit Baby AJ tonight while Julia and Laura go out to dinner. I cannot wait to hold that sweet little chunky monkey again!
Maybe Andrew will call me then.
To be continued....
I have not yet heard from him today. But he is in my heart. I pray for him daily. A sweet lady at church asked about him today. I told her he is going on 4 weeks at Coffee Creek and that he is being positive and strong. We are looking forward to when he is moved to his permanent facility and are praying it is not too far away.
But he will survive and thrive. God is here with us.
I am going to babysit Baby AJ tonight while Julia and Laura go out to dinner. I cannot wait to hold that sweet little chunky monkey again!
Maybe Andrew will call me then.
To be continued....
Saturday, December 28, 2019
Day 20: Day After
Tomorrow will be day 21. Andrew has been at Coffee Creek nearly 3 weeks now.
I am exhausted from all the Christmas services I played and all the socks I knitted for Christmas gifts!
I hope Andrew is doing o.k. today. I was worried about him being depressed on Christmas. Especially since Uncle John made his famous prime rib and horseradish sauce.
But 3 weeks. Time is going fast. And everyone says Coffee Creek is the worst part for male inmates. Once he's housed in his permanent facility, time will fly. He will be taking classes and have more time outside his cell for work and exercise.
I hope the food is good.
But most importantly, I hope he is housed at Columbia River Correctional Facility here Portland so Julia, Baby AJ, his family, friends and I can visit regularly!
I am at the library now. On the way here, my phone rang, but it disconnected. It was Andrew. I hope he calls again!
More later...
I am exhausted from all the Christmas services I played and all the socks I knitted for Christmas gifts!
I hope Andrew is doing o.k. today. I was worried about him being depressed on Christmas. Especially since Uncle John made his famous prime rib and horseradish sauce.
But 3 weeks. Time is going fast. And everyone says Coffee Creek is the worst part for male inmates. Once he's housed in his permanent facility, time will fly. He will be taking classes and have more time outside his cell for work and exercise.
I hope the food is good.
But most importantly, I hope he is housed at Columbia River Correctional Facility here Portland so Julia, Baby AJ, his family, friends and I can visit regularly!
I am at the library now. On the way here, my phone rang, but it disconnected. It was Andrew. I hope he calls again!
More later...
Day 22: Taking Care of GMA and GPA
I haven't talked to Andrew yet today. He called when I was on the bus, but I didn't hear the ringer. I hope he'll get a chance to call again. Somehow my day is not complete until he calls.
He was able to call fairly late last night. I think it was right before lights out. He said he only had a minute or two but just wanted to say he loved me. It warmed my heart.
Especially since I've been worried about my mom and dad since he was rushed to ER - was that yesterday? Good thing I'm writing this blog!
I had lunch with my mother, "GMA" today at Paul's Restaurant. We had burgers and talked about how I can help them. She is finally willing to accept my help. I'll go over every Monday and clean. I'm also going to help get rid of all these card and dads and video cassettes. Hopefully I can sell them online. I can use the $ for Andrew's phone and also for cleaning supplies. Helping my parents will be good for them and good for my soul. Plus it will help the time go by faster. I hope GPA stays healthy so he can see Andrew when he gets out. Just like he promised him at his going away dinner
More tomorrow....
He was able to call fairly late last night. I think it was right before lights out. He said he only had a minute or two but just wanted to say he loved me. It warmed my heart.
Especially since I've been worried about my mom and dad since he was rushed to ER - was that yesterday? Good thing I'm writing this blog!
I had lunch with my mother, "GMA" today at Paul's Restaurant. We had burgers and talked about how I can help them. She is finally willing to accept my help. I'll go over every Monday and clean. I'm also going to help get rid of all these card and dads and video cassettes. Hopefully I can sell them online. I can use the $ for Andrew's phone and also for cleaning supplies. Helping my parents will be good for them and good for my soul. Plus it will help the time go by faster. I hope GPA stays healthy so he can see Andrew when he gets out. Just like he promised him at his going away dinner
More tomorrow....
Thursday, December 26, 2019
Day 19: Christmas Day
I was opening the door to Starbucks before playing a Christmas Day service at church, when my phone rang. The screen flashed "Telmate".
I really wanted to talk to Andrew more than I wanted coffee, so I closed the door and walked into the parking lot as I answered the phone.
Luckily we weren't disconnected this time. It was so good to hear his voice. He sounded cheerful. The female inmates that are housed at Coffee Creek Correctional Facility cook all the meals, Andrew told me. That is probably why the food is so much better than at Inverness. After all, the women have to eat the food too! And I imagine that take some pride in preparing the food, and hopefully receive joy in knowing they are feeding the men that are in intake.
At least the food is decent. It would be so horrible to be locked in one's cell 21 hours a day. Andrew is staying positive though. Thankfully, he has a nice roommate. I told him we would put more money on his account so they could watch a movie.They are going to watch "Just Go With It" with Jennifer Anniston and Adam Sandler tonight. I'm so happy with his choice in movies. I would be concerned if they were watching Rambo, Die Hard and Final Destination movies!
It seems like their tastes are leaning towards romantic comedy.
Andrew told me he got his second book, What is D-Day. He has already started reading it, and while he finds it interesting, he is really looking forward to his third book, The Who Was History of the World which focuses on 150 important people in history and talks about what was happening in the world when they lived.
That book is on it's way. I hope he gets it this week.
We kept our morning talk short because I had to get to church. Also, we're trying to have shorter talks so we can make the phone money last.
Later, I talked to him while I was visiting Julia and Baby AJ. AJ is getting so big and sturdy! He had his eyes open quite a lot and even smiled at me! Julia asked if I wanted to feed him his bottle. I couldn't believe how fast he sucked it down. I could even feel the formula hit is belly and felt gurgling.
He is such a sweet baby. I can't wait until Andrew is at his permanent facility so we can visit!
I really wanted to talk to Andrew more than I wanted coffee, so I closed the door and walked into the parking lot as I answered the phone.
Luckily we weren't disconnected this time. It was so good to hear his voice. He sounded cheerful. The female inmates that are housed at Coffee Creek Correctional Facility cook all the meals, Andrew told me. That is probably why the food is so much better than at Inverness. After all, the women have to eat the food too! And I imagine that take some pride in preparing the food, and hopefully receive joy in knowing they are feeding the men that are in intake.
At least the food is decent. It would be so horrible to be locked in one's cell 21 hours a day. Andrew is staying positive though. Thankfully, he has a nice roommate. I told him we would put more money on his account so they could watch a movie.They are going to watch "Just Go With It" with Jennifer Anniston and Adam Sandler tonight. I'm so happy with his choice in movies. I would be concerned if they were watching Rambo, Die Hard and Final Destination movies!
It seems like their tastes are leaning towards romantic comedy.
Andrew told me he got his second book, What is D-Day. He has already started reading it, and while he finds it interesting, he is really looking forward to his third book, The Who Was History of the World which focuses on 150 important people in history and talks about what was happening in the world when they lived.
That book is on it's way. I hope he gets it this week.
We kept our morning talk short because I had to get to church. Also, we're trying to have shorter talks so we can make the phone money last.
Later, I talked to him while I was visiting Julia and Baby AJ. AJ is getting so big and sturdy! He had his eyes open quite a lot and even smiled at me! Julia asked if I wanted to feed him his bottle. I couldn't believe how fast he sucked it down. I could even feel the formula hit is belly and felt gurgling.
He is such a sweet baby. I can't wait until Andrew is at his permanent facility so we can visit!
Day 18: Christmas Eve
It is Christmas Eve eve. I am really missing Andrew right now. I've been so busy making fudge and samosas and watching Grace and getting ready for church services that I haven't been thinking much.Suddenly I am alone. I missed his call earlier, so I haven't heard his voice today. I hope He is not sad going into the holidays. And I hope we find out soon what prison he will be house at for the remainder of his sentence so we can plan visits. I am going to pray for Andrew and all the incarcerated tonight when I pray. May the find peace.
Sunday, December 22, 2019
Day 17: The Who Was books
Today is going to be a good day. I had just gotten out of my Lyft ride at Starbucks before church, when my phone rang. "Telmate" was flashing on the caller ID.
I pressed "1" and then I heard Andrew's voice! I was so happy.
We had a nice chat. He said time is going by quicker than he thought. He got the book I sent him:
Legends: The Best Players, Games, and Teams in Basketball by Howard Bryant. He said he likes it and is learning a lot about the history of the NBA. He said he would like some more history books, like the "Who Is..." books I sent him when he was in Inverness.
I told him I had ordered What is D-Day, He should get that this week. We had a nice talk. He said he will not be sad on Christmas. Because he is doing his time and he will have the rest of his life with his family. I was so relieved that he was not sad.
I am o.k. I've never been much for the holidays. It is just another day, in my opinion. The commercialism actually bugs me. But I know for some, especially Andrew, they are sentimental for family tradition.
After we hung up and I was sipping my coffee, I logged onto Amazon.com. I was so excited to find the book The Who Was? History of the World. I ordered it. I'm hoping he gets it before Christmas. If not, I'll at least tell him it's on it's way.
Day 17. One day at a time.
I pressed "1" and then I heard Andrew's voice! I was so happy.
We had a nice chat. He said time is going by quicker than he thought. He got the book I sent him:
Legends: The Best Players, Games, and Teams in Basketball by Howard Bryant. He said he likes it and is learning a lot about the history of the NBA. He said he would like some more history books, like the "Who Is..." books I sent him when he was in Inverness.
I told him I had ordered What is D-Day, He should get that this week. We had a nice talk. He said he will not be sad on Christmas. Because he is doing his time and he will have the rest of his life with his family. I was so relieved that he was not sad.
I am o.k. I've never been much for the holidays. It is just another day, in my opinion. The commercialism actually bugs me. But I know for some, especially Andrew, they are sentimental for family tradition.
After we hung up and I was sipping my coffee, I logged onto Amazon.com. I was so excited to find the book The Who Was? History of the World. I ordered it. I'm hoping he gets it before Christmas. If not, I'll at least tell him it's on it's way.
Day 17. One day at a time.
Day 16: Fully Charged
I had a busy day today, but was feeling anxious because I did not get a chance to talk Andrew. He called several times, but each time I saw "Telmate" on the caller ID, it either disconnected or when I was prompted to "press 1 to accept the call", it ended!
I did not realize how much I looked forward to his calls each day until I could not get one!
I messaged Taylor and Julia. They told me they would tell Andrew about my phone woes when he called them. Not only do I enjoy hearing from him, I know that he is prone to worrying.
Probably gets it from me.
Julia was at work when I messaged her. I congratulated her for going back to work so soon after giving birth. I think they are depending on her income for rent since Andrew is away. She works at her dad's restuarant, and her mom is watching Baby AJ, so I think all is well.
My phone was low on charge and it is getting low in memory. So before I went to bed, I cleared out some memory and made sure it was fully charged.
And then I went to bed early. I have a lot of church services to play in the next few days. I need to make sure I am fully charged!
I did not realize how much I looked forward to his calls each day until I could not get one!
I messaged Taylor and Julia. They told me they would tell Andrew about my phone woes when he called them. Not only do I enjoy hearing from him, I know that he is prone to worrying.
Probably gets it from me.
Julia was at work when I messaged her. I congratulated her for going back to work so soon after giving birth. I think they are depending on her income for rent since Andrew is away. She works at her dad's restuarant, and her mom is watching Baby AJ, so I think all is well.
My phone was low on charge and it is getting low in memory. So before I went to bed, I cleared out some memory and made sure it was fully charged.
And then I went to bed early. I have a lot of church services to play in the next few days. I need to make sure I am fully charged!
Friday, December 20, 2019
Day 15: Silver Linings Playbook
Andrew called this morning. His voice sounds strong as it has lately. He asked if Taylor could put more money on his books. He wants to make sure he has enough money for his share of the movies he and his cell mate watch.
He told me they watched "Silver Linings Playbook" last night.
I told him we watched that together. I believe it was when we lived in Salem.
"Yup", he said. His voice caught a little.
I told him he'd passed the two week mark.
"Time is going fast", he said.
I wonder if it really is, or this is Andrew being strong for us.
Time will pass. I am looking forward to hearing about the meeting with his intake counselor. He said he is going to ask her if he can be placed at Columbia River Institution so he can be close to his baby and fiance. Also they focus on drug and alcohol rehabilitation.
I hope so too. I am also looking forward to him being placed in his next facility so he can start taking classes and working. It must be difficult having so much time in lockdown, in his cell. That was his biggest fear. But again, Andrew is rising above and showing us all he is stronger and wiser than we ever knew!
He told me they watched "Silver Linings Playbook" last night.
I told him we watched that together. I believe it was when we lived in Salem.
"Yup", he said. His voice caught a little.
I told him he'd passed the two week mark.
"Time is going fast", he said.
I wonder if it really is, or this is Andrew being strong for us.
Time will pass. I am looking forward to hearing about the meeting with his intake counselor. He said he is going to ask her if he can be placed at Columbia River Institution so he can be close to his baby and fiance. Also they focus on drug and alcohol rehabilitation.
I hope so too. I am also looking forward to him being placed in his next facility so he can start taking classes and working. It must be difficult having so much time in lockdown, in his cell. That was his biggest fear. But again, Andrew is rising above and showing us all he is stronger and wiser than we ever knew!
Day 14: Blue Christmas
Day 14. I haven't seen my son for two weeks. But I talk to him on the phone frequently. Today was a busy day for me. I babysat Grace and then played the piano for a "Blue Christmas" service at my church.
It was a small turnout, but a lovely service. I prayed mostly for Andrew, Julia, Baby Andrew and our whole family. That we will be safe and healthy and grow in love the next year.
At the end of the service, the choir director played a video of the birth of Jesus with Josh Grobin singing O Holy Night. The baby looked just like Baby Andrew. I felt tears flowing down my face. I tried to stop them, but they kept flowing. I had one more piece to play on the piano. Luckily the tears stopped.
After the service the pastor asked about how Andrew is doing. I told her he is holding up well, being strong and positive. That he has a nice cell mate. They share the expense of renting movies on a tablet.
I told her how Andrew said he picked up a Bible and started reading Genesis, but when he got further into the Old Testament, it got confusing. So, he told me he started reading the book of Matthew. She smiled and said that is the first of the gospels and the gospel our church will be focusing on in the new year.
We are approaching Christmas. I will be busy with church services, but I plan on going to visit Julia and Baby Andrew on Christmas day. The holidays are important to Andrew and Julia. I hope they will not be too sad. It will be the first of two Blue Christmases without Andrew.
It was a small turnout, but a lovely service. I prayed mostly for Andrew, Julia, Baby Andrew and our whole family. That we will be safe and healthy and grow in love the next year.
At the end of the service, the choir director played a video of the birth of Jesus with Josh Grobin singing O Holy Night. The baby looked just like Baby Andrew. I felt tears flowing down my face. I tried to stop them, but they kept flowing. I had one more piece to play on the piano. Luckily the tears stopped.
After the service the pastor asked about how Andrew is doing. I told her he is holding up well, being strong and positive. That he has a nice cell mate. They share the expense of renting movies on a tablet.
I told her how Andrew said he picked up a Bible and started reading Genesis, but when he got further into the Old Testament, it got confusing. So, he told me he started reading the book of Matthew. She smiled and said that is the first of the gospels and the gospel our church will be focusing on in the new year.
We are approaching Christmas. I will be busy with church services, but I plan on going to visit Julia and Baby Andrew on Christmas day. The holidays are important to Andrew and Julia. I hope they will not be too sad. It will be the first of two Blue Christmases without Andrew.
Wednesday, December 18, 2019
Day 13: Release Date
Quentin texted me at 5;30 a.m. He saw on the DOC website that Andrew's release date is May 26, 2021.
My heart began to thud. This was 17 months, not the 13 his attorney had calculated!
I was nervous all day. I hoped he wouldn't call and hear the stress in my voice. When my daughter got home from work, I casually mentioned it to her. She told me that Andrew knew this. The 4 extra months was trans leave that had not yet been calculated.
Instantly, I relaxed. I still don't understand the trans leave concept. When I have more time I will look it up.
I spoke to Andrew later, but we got cut off. I think they were ordered to their cells. I didn't mention the release date. He sounds so positive and strong. He is looking forward to the book I sent him. It is about great NBA players. He said he would also like some history books.
I love looking up books for him. I have to order new ones from Amazon. I think they only take paperbacks, so as an experiment, I am ordering cheap ones in case they are returned. I just ordered him a book about D-Day. He should be getting them before Christmas I hope!
I also wrote on Facebook to our friends that I am sending books in case anyone else wants to contribute. I also mentioned contributing to his phone account. I'm a bit worried since I am off from teaching until January 11th. Inmate phone accounts are expensive, but so important to stay in touch.
I have to run.
To be continued tomorrow....
My heart began to thud. This was 17 months, not the 13 his attorney had calculated!
I was nervous all day. I hoped he wouldn't call and hear the stress in my voice. When my daughter got home from work, I casually mentioned it to her. She told me that Andrew knew this. The 4 extra months was trans leave that had not yet been calculated.
Instantly, I relaxed. I still don't understand the trans leave concept. When I have more time I will look it up.
I spoke to Andrew later, but we got cut off. I think they were ordered to their cells. I didn't mention the release date. He sounds so positive and strong. He is looking forward to the book I sent him. It is about great NBA players. He said he would also like some history books.
I love looking up books for him. I have to order new ones from Amazon. I think they only take paperbacks, so as an experiment, I am ordering cheap ones in case they are returned. I just ordered him a book about D-Day. He should be getting them before Christmas I hope!
I also wrote on Facebook to our friends that I am sending books in case anyone else wants to contribute. I also mentioned contributing to his phone account. I'm a bit worried since I am off from teaching until January 11th. Inmate phone accounts are expensive, but so important to stay in touch.
I have to run.
To be continued tomorrow....
Tuesday, December 17, 2019
Day 12: Spades, Movies and Hobo Hash
Andrew called me yesterday morning. He told me they had a pretty good breakfast. It's called "hobo hash" - ground beef, gravy and hash browns. I think he said they also had fruit and bagels. He told me that they are being treated pretty well there.
He said some of the guys were playing spades and they invited him to play. He told them he didn't know how. So they taught him.
He also asked if I would put a bit more money on his account. Apparently the guys can rent a tablet for sending messages and for watching movies. The tablets make the round on different days to different cells. His cell mate rented the movies last time. They both watched them on the tablet. So Andrew wants to return the favor and rent them this time around.
This warmed my heart. That he is not only keeping his head up, but being kind and making friends.
It is helping the time go by!
I do hope we find out soon when his projected release date will be. And what facility he's going to. But for now, I feel like I can breathe a bit easier.
Until tomorrow....
He said some of the guys were playing spades and they invited him to play. He told them he didn't know how. So they taught him.
He also asked if I would put a bit more money on his account. Apparently the guys can rent a tablet for sending messages and for watching movies. The tablets make the round on different days to different cells. His cell mate rented the movies last time. They both watched them on the tablet. So Andrew wants to return the favor and rent them this time around.
This warmed my heart. That he is not only keeping his head up, but being kind and making friends.
It is helping the time go by!
I do hope we find out soon when his projected release date will be. And what facility he's going to. But for now, I feel like I can breathe a bit easier.
Until tomorrow....
Day 11: Good Sense!
I had a very positive phone call from Andrew last night. He had received my letter. He had survived 10 days at Coffee Creek. I an hearing a new confidence in his voice. His meds finally arrived, but he has chosen not to take them! My mama instinct almost tried to convince him otherwise, but something stopped me. Perhaps good sense for once!
Saturday, December 14, 2019
Day 10: Speed Bumps
Andrew called me this morning. It was like I suspected. The inmates were in lockdown all day yesterday. He said he is doing fine. He sounds strong. He said they were out "in the yard". I heard a male voice talking to my son. He asked what time it was. He sounded friendly.
I probably shouldn't worry about the other inmates. My son makes friends easily. He has been cautioned to not be too trusting in jail. You can be friendly and respectful, but watch your back, I've been told.
Probably good advice anywhere.
Andrew told me he finally got my letter. I sent him a copy of his mugshot on the Multnomah County Sheriff website. It shows his charges. He now has them listed on the Oregon Department of Corrections website. It is public knowledge, so I am glad my letter wasn't returned to me. I think I'll send him a copy of the DOC page. It looks more official.
It doesn't show his release date yet. That is still being calculated. I think we will all breathe a little easier when we see that date in writing. Knowledge takes away some of the anxiety.
I was right when I told my daughter these 13 months will not be stagnant waiting. Each day will have a challenge.
My son's fiance's mother is still in the hospital. She had surgery on her infected leg but they are keeping her for observation. This is my super busy weekend. The end of the term at the music center. Tomorrow is my piano student recital.
But I told them to let me know if they need my help with the baby, or dinner, or anything.
Being busy makes time go by. But I hope to enjoy this time. Even when it is painful, missing my son, I know that he is taking care of business, and getting stronger and wiser.
Life is not easy. It is filled with speed bumps, as I tell my piano students. But right now I am thankful for all I have. And pray that my son, his fiance, baby and mother-in-law all stay healthy and positive. As I am trying to do.
To be continued...
I probably shouldn't worry about the other inmates. My son makes friends easily. He has been cautioned to not be too trusting in jail. You can be friendly and respectful, but watch your back, I've been told.
Probably good advice anywhere.
Andrew told me he finally got my letter. I sent him a copy of his mugshot on the Multnomah County Sheriff website. It shows his charges. He now has them listed on the Oregon Department of Corrections website. It is public knowledge, so I am glad my letter wasn't returned to me. I think I'll send him a copy of the DOC page. It looks more official.
It doesn't show his release date yet. That is still being calculated. I think we will all breathe a little easier when we see that date in writing. Knowledge takes away some of the anxiety.
I was right when I told my daughter these 13 months will not be stagnant waiting. Each day will have a challenge.
My son's fiance's mother is still in the hospital. She had surgery on her infected leg but they are keeping her for observation. This is my super busy weekend. The end of the term at the music center. Tomorrow is my piano student recital.
But I told them to let me know if they need my help with the baby, or dinner, or anything.
Being busy makes time go by. But I hope to enjoy this time. Even when it is painful, missing my son, I know that he is taking care of business, and getting stronger and wiser.
Life is not easy. It is filled with speed bumps, as I tell my piano students. But right now I am thankful for all I have. And pray that my son, his fiance, baby and mother-in-law all stay healthy and positive. As I am trying to do.
To be continued...
Friday, December 13, 2019
Day 9: No News = Lockdown
I have not yet heard from Andrew today. I am always hoping no news is good news. He is probably on lock down. At Coffee Creek Correctional Facility, no news usually means lockdown. About 21 hours a day. But I trust him. He will survive and thrive!
I found his profile on Oregon DOC last night. They finally list his charges!
His fiance and baby are at the hospital with her mom who fell and had to have 8 stitches in her knee. It got infected. She just got out of surgery. I've been praying for her all morning.
Day 9. Times does go by!
I found his profile on Oregon DOC last night. They finally list his charges!
His fiance and baby are at the hospital with her mom who fell and had to have 8 stitches in her knee. It got infected. She just got out of surgery. I've been praying for her all morning.
Day 9. Times does go by!
Thursday, December 12, 2019
Day 8: A New Level
Andrew called me early this morning. He sounded more cheerful. I was careful not to instill anxiety. I asked him how his evening was last night. He told me it was better. He said that he appreciates all I have done for him, but I don't need to worry. He's got this!
This is a new level. My son reassuring me. I like it!
The Assistant to the Supervisor of Intake at Coffee Creek Corrections visited him yesterday. They had a long chat about how he's doing and what he can expect. She told him that other inmates are not supposed to be "paperchecking" - yes, that's a thing! When inmates ask to see your papers. Apparently they are checking to make sure you are not a sex offender. Word is, that sex offenders get beat up in prison.
Andrew still does not have his papers. But she reassured him that most of the inmates there do not have their papers. She said people say things. They aren't necessarily true.
I get it. I need to just listen to him. And keep him positive.
I asked him if he had eaten breakfast yet. He said he did, but he's not much of a breakfast person. Today they had breakfast sandwiches.
"Do they give you coffee?" I asked.
"No, some kind of tea".
"But we had fajitas for dinner last night. They were pretty good!"
His tone of voice sounded happier.
"Mom, a week ago today we were sitting at Biscuits Cafe. Having our last breakfast together. Time is flying!" he said.
Indeed it is! I was dreading December 5th, his sentencing date. And here we are already, a week later. He told me he was going to work out. They have equipment there. And then he could take a shower. He told me they can take showers anytime they are "out walking". Which means out of their cells. They get about 4 hours of out time a day.
They also have clothing exchange every few days. This is where they turn in their dirty clothes and get clean clothes.
After he works out and showers, he usually grabs a book off the shelf before he goes into his cell. He is reading a mystery now. He told me he is starting to feel calmer. Calm enough to focus on a book.
"They also have a bunch of tv's turned to different channels", he informed me.
I'm glad he's working out and reading instead of just staring blankly at a screen.
He's got about 3 more weeks at Coffee Creek before he is transferred to another facility. Hopefully close by so we can visit regularly. But more importantly, a safe environment. And one with abundant programs, classes and opportunities to work and gain job skills.
I am feeling calmer today. I think asking him about his day keeps us both focused on the present.
Funny, I think about the words of advice I have given him. Words that have been echoed by friends and family:
"Keep your head up. Focus on the positive. Read. Pray. Exercise. Go to classes. Establish a routine. Take one day at a time."
I should follow my own advice!
This is a new level. My son reassuring me. I like it!
The Assistant to the Supervisor of Intake at Coffee Creek Corrections visited him yesterday. They had a long chat about how he's doing and what he can expect. She told him that other inmates are not supposed to be "paperchecking" - yes, that's a thing! When inmates ask to see your papers. Apparently they are checking to make sure you are not a sex offender. Word is, that sex offenders get beat up in prison.
Andrew still does not have his papers. But she reassured him that most of the inmates there do not have their papers. She said people say things. They aren't necessarily true.
I get it. I need to just listen to him. And keep him positive.
I asked him if he had eaten breakfast yet. He said he did, but he's not much of a breakfast person. Today they had breakfast sandwiches.
"Do they give you coffee?" I asked.
"No, some kind of tea".
"But we had fajitas for dinner last night. They were pretty good!"
His tone of voice sounded happier.
"Mom, a week ago today we were sitting at Biscuits Cafe. Having our last breakfast together. Time is flying!" he said.
Indeed it is! I was dreading December 5th, his sentencing date. And here we are already, a week later. He told me he was going to work out. They have equipment there. And then he could take a shower. He told me they can take showers anytime they are "out walking". Which means out of their cells. They get about 4 hours of out time a day.
They also have clothing exchange every few days. This is where they turn in their dirty clothes and get clean clothes.
After he works out and showers, he usually grabs a book off the shelf before he goes into his cell. He is reading a mystery now. He told me he is starting to feel calmer. Calm enough to focus on a book.
"They also have a bunch of tv's turned to different channels", he informed me.
I'm glad he's working out and reading instead of just staring blankly at a screen.
He's got about 3 more weeks at Coffee Creek before he is transferred to another facility. Hopefully close by so we can visit regularly. But more importantly, a safe environment. And one with abundant programs, classes and opportunities to work and gain job skills.
I am feeling calmer today. I think asking him about his day keeps us both focused on the present.
Funny, I think about the words of advice I have given him. Words that have been echoed by friends and family:
"Keep your head up. Focus on the positive. Read. Pray. Exercise. Go to classes. Establish a routine. Take one day at a time."
I should follow my own advice!
Day 7: A Call from the Asst to the Supervisor At Coffee Creek and Stress
Online conversations about Andrew:
ME: (To L) Oh L:- I just talked to Andrew on the phone. Could you add some specifics? They have not gotten his prescription to dispense his anxiety and depression meds yet. He is in Coffee Creek intake for 4-6 weeks which is mostly lockdown in a cell for 21 hours a day. He is trying to be positive and strong. But the other inmates said he needs a paper with his charges printed when he goes to his permanent facility. Because sex offenders get beaten up in prison. He is not a sex offender. I sent him what I found on the I internet, but he hasn't gotten it. His attorney was a public defender and is not answering my calls. Please pray for patience, strength, faith and clarity as we attempt to navigate this system. Thank you!
L: The first thing you should remind him and yourself is that our God has not left him nor forsaken him. That God is there with him. Peace is found in God so reminding him to focus on God. Assessment is 30 days. It is common to be in the cell during the assessment period. It is a difficult time I will be praying for him. He shouldn't listen to the other inmates they will say all kinds of things. He should receive his paperwork. What was his final charge? That determines his custody level. I know this is a tough time for all of you but it will get better once he is placed in his permanent location. Prayers for him and your family!
ME: His final charge was attempted Assault Ok. A class C felony. He's starting to settle in a bit. He has trouble with anxiety and depression. He was taking Selexa and Trazedone but they don't have his Rx to dispense meds. I am going to try and call his doctor today but I know they don't give out info on patients. I've mailed his lawyer about his meds and getting a charge sheet. Finally yesterday u told him it all seems overwhelming and I know who we should ask for help. He was quiet for a moment and then said, "God?"
I told him nothing is impossible with God. And He has done amazing things. He won't abandon us now! (I was speaking for myself as well as my son!)
Thank you for this reminder. Our faith will be tested over the next year. But God never fails!!!💖💖💖
Blessings to you and thank you for your prayers!
L: The meds part is tough. The prisons are very slow with any meds. I will pray. You can call in to the prison. Washington St has a family resource person that you can call into. you can try https://www.oregon.gov/doc/Documents/friends-and-family-handbook.pdfw
ME: I got hold of "J", Andrew's attorney's assistant! I told him the court told me to call and that his charge sheet is really important. The other inmates say he is in danger if he doesn't have his paperwork on him. He said he's working on it right away. Andrew had just talked to him before I called. . I told him he also isn't getting his meds but Josh said they can't help with that. He said once the case is closed his attorney won't be helping him. But he will make sure he gets his paperwork. I thanked him and said if they got that done we wouldn't bug them anymore!
All of these conversations occurred this morning. I felt like I was making progress helping Andrew here from the outside. He has been very concerned about getting his paperwork. That is the subject of all of our conversations. Today he was very insistent. I am wondering if his anxiety has escalated from being off his meds and of course from BEING LOCKED IN A CELL 21 HOURS A DAY and not knowing where he will be sent or what his release date will be. Not to mention the other inmates telling him without his paperwork he will be beat up in prison!
I felt like at least getting his paperwork sent to him (or promised by the assistant to his attorney who is no longer his attorney), was a positive step forward.
NOT SO!
My daughter has forbid me to share all of this info in our little private messenger group. Apparently I am going overboard in my Mama Bear protecting baby bear son mode. I've been over thinking and over sharing.
I feel horrible. My son actually called from jail and told me to not tell his fiance all the details he is sharing with me. He is trying to be strong for her. They have a new born baby. She can't handle my intensity.
I felt really horrible. My daughter gave me that "I told you so" look as I listened to Andrew talk. He also said he has decided he does not need meds. He wants to remain clearheaded and is sleeping better.
OY
I packed up for my day at the library and the church service tonight. I shed a few tears as i walked. I was feeling sorry for myself. But my son was the one in jail. His fiance on her own with a baby for 13 months. I really should behave myself. My daughter said I was being selfish. But I thought finding out as my info as possible was useful. Was I not the one who bailed him out of jail?
OY
Perhaps it is my age. This generation is different. But one good thing came out of it. My son stepped up and took over. He confronted me and told me how I can help him and not help him. I really am so tired of carrying so much. This is ultimately his cross to carry.
I need to step back.
So I did what I do in times of stress. I tool myself out for a cheeseburger. A Double Whopper with cheese and extra pickles, as a matter of fact! And a Diet Coke. I sniffled a bit as I sipped it.
Then my phone range. It was Taylor Vegas, Assistant to the Intake Supervisor at Coffee Creek.
I told her I couldn't believe I got a real person calling me back! She was kind. We had a long conversation. She told me the other inmates were not supposed to "paper check". I told her I didn't know there was a word for that! She said he would probably not get his paperwork at Coffee Creek. She told me that many of the inmates did not have their papers. I explained to her how anxious Andrew had become about his paperwork. And how he does suffer from anxiety and hasn't gotten his meds. Although I told her now he is thinking he doesn't need them. I asked her if they did dispense them, if he could turn them down. She said, "Absolutely".
She asked about his charges and history. I told her that his charge was Attempted Assault 2, but it really was a bar fight. It was alcohol related. She asked about his DUI, which I told her he had taken care of. I told her about the instensive drug and alchohol probatrion program (DISP) he was in. How he was clean and sober and had a baby and a fiance. I told her he was committed to turning his life around and had agreed to already begin DISP even before jail - even though it was mostly a post release program. I told her he had turned himself in last Thursday. That he heard since most inmates come directly from county jail, they already have their paperwork.
I told her he was confused by the process, heightened by fear and anxiety.
At the point she told me she was going to go over and meet with him in his cell and have a talk with him. Explain the program and what he can expect. Answer any questions he had. I was so relieved!
It was an answer to prayer!
"Thank you so much!", I gushed.
She assured me he would be ok.
After we hung up, I called my daughter. No answer. I called my soninlaw. No answer. I called my mom and we talked. She was glad to hear the good news. But when I told her how I was stressing out the rest of the family she told me she was going to warn me. She thinks my corticoid nasal spray is making me too aggressive.
"At breakfast the other day, you talked nonstop", she sighed.
I told her perhaps. But when someone has a problem, I want to help. And I do research and I don't stop until I have a solution. Especially if I feel a loved one's life is at stake!
I know, I need to calm down. Finally I talked to me daughter. She wasn't so pleased. She thinks I may have caused more problems for Andrew in the jail. The other inmates might think he is a snitch.
OMGoodness. I hope tomorrow is a better day! And I hope talking to the Ms. Vegas is positive.
To be continued....
ME: (To L) Oh L:- I just talked to Andrew on the phone. Could you add some specifics? They have not gotten his prescription to dispense his anxiety and depression meds yet. He is in Coffee Creek intake for 4-6 weeks which is mostly lockdown in a cell for 21 hours a day. He is trying to be positive and strong. But the other inmates said he needs a paper with his charges printed when he goes to his permanent facility. Because sex offenders get beaten up in prison. He is not a sex offender. I sent him what I found on the I internet, but he hasn't gotten it. His attorney was a public defender and is not answering my calls. Please pray for patience, strength, faith and clarity as we attempt to navigate this system. Thank you!
L: The first thing you should remind him and yourself is that our God has not left him nor forsaken him. That God is there with him. Peace is found in God so reminding him to focus on God. Assessment is 30 days. It is common to be in the cell during the assessment period. It is a difficult time I will be praying for him. He shouldn't listen to the other inmates they will say all kinds of things. He should receive his paperwork. What was his final charge? That determines his custody level. I know this is a tough time for all of you but it will get better once he is placed in his permanent location. Prayers for him and your family!
ME: His final charge was attempted Assault Ok. A class C felony. He's starting to settle in a bit. He has trouble with anxiety and depression. He was taking Selexa and Trazedone but they don't have his Rx to dispense meds. I am going to try and call his doctor today but I know they don't give out info on patients. I've mailed his lawyer about his meds and getting a charge sheet. Finally yesterday u told him it all seems overwhelming and I know who we should ask for help. He was quiet for a moment and then said, "God?"
I told him nothing is impossible with God. And He has done amazing things. He won't abandon us now! (I was speaking for myself as well as my son!)
Thank you for this reminder. Our faith will be tested over the next year. But God never fails!!!💖💖💖
Blessings to you and thank you for your prayers!
L: The meds part is tough. The prisons are very slow with any meds. I will pray. You can call in to the prison. Washington St has a family resource person that you can call into. you can try https://www.oregon.gov/doc/Documents/friends-and-family-handbook.pdfw
ME: I got hold of "J", Andrew's attorney's assistant! I told him the court told me to call and that his charge sheet is really important. The other inmates say he is in danger if he doesn't have his paperwork on him. He said he's working on it right away. Andrew had just talked to him before I called. . I told him he also isn't getting his meds but Josh said they can't help with that. He said once the case is closed his attorney won't be helping him. But he will make sure he gets his paperwork. I thanked him and said if they got that done we wouldn't bug them anymore!
All of these conversations occurred this morning. I felt like I was making progress helping Andrew here from the outside. He has been very concerned about getting his paperwork. That is the subject of all of our conversations. Today he was very insistent. I am wondering if his anxiety has escalated from being off his meds and of course from BEING LOCKED IN A CELL 21 HOURS A DAY and not knowing where he will be sent or what his release date will be. Not to mention the other inmates telling him without his paperwork he will be beat up in prison!
I felt like at least getting his paperwork sent to him (or promised by the assistant to his attorney who is no longer his attorney), was a positive step forward.
NOT SO!
My daughter has forbid me to share all of this info in our little private messenger group. Apparently I am going overboard in my Mama Bear protecting baby bear son mode. I've been over thinking and over sharing.
I feel horrible. My son actually called from jail and told me to not tell his fiance all the details he is sharing with me. He is trying to be strong for her. They have a new born baby. She can't handle my intensity.
I felt really horrible. My daughter gave me that "I told you so" look as I listened to Andrew talk. He also said he has decided he does not need meds. He wants to remain clearheaded and is sleeping better.
OY
I packed up for my day at the library and the church service tonight. I shed a few tears as i walked. I was feeling sorry for myself. But my son was the one in jail. His fiance on her own with a baby for 13 months. I really should behave myself. My daughter said I was being selfish. But I thought finding out as my info as possible was useful. Was I not the one who bailed him out of jail?
OY
Perhaps it is my age. This generation is different. But one good thing came out of it. My son stepped up and took over. He confronted me and told me how I can help him and not help him. I really am so tired of carrying so much. This is ultimately his cross to carry.
I need to step back.
So I did what I do in times of stress. I tool myself out for a cheeseburger. A Double Whopper with cheese and extra pickles, as a matter of fact! And a Diet Coke. I sniffled a bit as I sipped it.
Then my phone range. It was Taylor Vegas, Assistant to the Intake Supervisor at Coffee Creek.
I told her I couldn't believe I got a real person calling me back! She was kind. We had a long conversation. She told me the other inmates were not supposed to "paper check". I told her I didn't know there was a word for that! She said he would probably not get his paperwork at Coffee Creek. She told me that many of the inmates did not have their papers. I explained to her how anxious Andrew had become about his paperwork. And how he does suffer from anxiety and hasn't gotten his meds. Although I told her now he is thinking he doesn't need them. I asked her if they did dispense them, if he could turn them down. She said, "Absolutely".
She asked about his charges and history. I told her that his charge was Attempted Assault 2, but it really was a bar fight. It was alcohol related. She asked about his DUI, which I told her he had taken care of. I told her about the instensive drug and alchohol probatrion program (DISP) he was in. How he was clean and sober and had a baby and a fiance. I told her he was committed to turning his life around and had agreed to already begin DISP even before jail - even though it was mostly a post release program. I told her he had turned himself in last Thursday. That he heard since most inmates come directly from county jail, they already have their paperwork.
I told her he was confused by the process, heightened by fear and anxiety.
At the point she told me she was going to go over and meet with him in his cell and have a talk with him. Explain the program and what he can expect. Answer any questions he had. I was so relieved!
It was an answer to prayer!
"Thank you so much!", I gushed.
She assured me he would be ok.
After we hung up, I called my daughter. No answer. I called my soninlaw. No answer. I called my mom and we talked. She was glad to hear the good news. But when I told her how I was stressing out the rest of the family she told me she was going to warn me. She thinks my corticoid nasal spray is making me too aggressive.
"At breakfast the other day, you talked nonstop", she sighed.
I told her perhaps. But when someone has a problem, I want to help. And I do research and I don't stop until I have a solution. Especially if I feel a loved one's life is at stake!
I know, I need to calm down. Finally I talked to me daughter. She wasn't so pleased. She thinks I may have caused more problems for Andrew in the jail. The other inmates might think he is a snitch.
OMGoodness. I hope tomorrow is a better day! And I hope talking to the Ms. Vegas is positive.
To be continued....
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
Day 6: Earth Angels
"Hey Zita this is "B". I talked to my buddy. And he said as soon as your son knows what prison he is going to he will send word to watch out for him. So as soon as you know let me know,and I'll send word.. many blessing to your family and I will do what I can to make his stay not scary."
"Ok so I just talked to a guy at my work who's done over 20years and he said that no matter what your son will be going to a work camp no further then Salam. And he has 30day once he arrives at his camp to get his paperwork. He can write his lawyer and request his j&s and they will have it to him in 2weeks or less. He want me to tell you not to worry which I know your going to haha that's what moms do. But he will be fine.. my buddy give you his word. I thought you would like hearing this. So deep breaths. Talk to you soon."
Another message from B:
"Tell him just to be patient. And that it will be 10 times better when he gets out of receiving at coffee creek. Tell him to read whatever he can get his hands on. And to only do things in there that will enhance his body mind and spirit. And to most of all stick to himself and dont be generous or to trusting. He will meet a few good guys in there but most of them are in the mode of seeing what they can get out of people. Tell him to be smart and think out side the box basically dont get complacent, and he will do great and leave prison better then he came.. also if things get rough for you give me a call and he can call me too."
"Ok so I just talked to a guy at my work who's done over 20years and he said that no matter what your son will be going to a work camp no further then Salam. And he has 30day once he arrives at his camp to get his paperwork. He can write his lawyer and request his j&s and they will have it to him in 2weeks or less. He want me to tell you not to worry which I know your going to haha that's what moms do. But he will be fine.. my buddy give you his word. I thought you would like hearing this. So deep breaths. Talk to you soon."
Another message from B:
"Tell him just to be patient. And that it will be 10 times better when he gets out of receiving at coffee creek. Tell him to read whatever he can get his hands on. And to only do things in there that will enhance his body mind and spirit. And to most of all stick to himself and dont be generous or to trusting. He will meet a few good guys in there but most of them are in the mode of seeing what they can get out of people. Tell him to be smart and think out side the box basically dont get complacent, and he will do great and leave prison better then he came.. also if things get rough for you give me a call and he can call me too."
Monday, December 9, 2019
Day 1: Sentencing
398 days to go
December 5, 2019. The day I have been dreading for many months. The day my son, Andrew would be sentenced and sent to prison for 13 months.
But we have all marveled that this baby was born 24 days early and at a healthy weight! His mom's original due date was November 28th! Andrew would have only had 8 days with his newborn before going away.
December 5, 2019. The day I have been dreading for many months. The day my son, Andrew would be sentenced and sent to prison for 13 months.
Every moment spent with my son over the last several months have been precious. I could almost hear the clock ticking in the background.
It's been an emotional roller coaster for my son, his fiance, his sister, his friends and me. I am his mother.
I woke up early this morning. At 5:30 a.m. My son told me he would like to spend his last few hours of freedom with his family. His sentencing hearing was at 4:30 p.m. He and I would start the day with a big breakfast.
He chose Biscuits Cafe. In Gresham. It was a fine choice. The food was excellent. Andrew and I ate well. We knew it would be our last breakfast together for a long time. I let him talk. He said he was ready to go. To start doing his time. And to put this behind him.
And build a new life.
And build a new life.
He talked about how he was not afraid. But he was worried about his fiance. That she would be sad. And he would miss his newborn son. His baby, AJ was born November 5th. Once month old on the day his dad wold go to prison.
But we have all marveled that this baby was born 24 days early and at a healthy weight! His mom's original due date was November 28th! Andrew would have only had 8 days with his newborn before going away.
He is a beautiful child. Very calm and easy to care for.
Another amazing development is that the judge allowed my son to remain out of prison for 4 months, on an ankle bracelet and under supervision to be present at the birth of his son.
And speaking of miracles, if we had not raised bail for Andrew, he would have gone straight from county jail to prison. There would be no baby!
Anyway, back to the events.
Our food was incredible. I had "chicken fried chicken", two eggs over medium, a biscuit with marionberry jam, homefries and coffee. Andrew had biscuits and gravy, two eggs, hashbrowns and coffee.
We cleaned out plates!
Then Andrew looked at me and said he needed to get home. "I want to spend as much time as possible with my fiance and son". I nodded.
I payed and we headed out into the cold. He had quit work 2 weeks ago to spend the remaining time with his baby and fiance. He had no money. He looked at me and sheepishly asked if I could buy him a pack of cigarettes. "I won't be able to smoke in there", he said.
So we walked together to the 7-11 up the street. I bought him cigarettes. Then we stood at the bus stop, waiting for the bus. Several of his friends called to say goodbye. One friend posted on Facebook to "Keep your head up, and get into a good routine. It will make the time fly by". I showed him the post. It was from a childhood friend.
"That's very good advice", I told him.
Then I asked him if it was o.k. if I kept a daily blog. He told me it was. I told him to call daily and tell me something about his day. After 13 months, when he is released, I'll print this out. There might even be a book to be written. Perhaps to help someone else. Or at least we will have the memories. To show him how far he's come.
When we got back to the house, his fiance, her mom and baby were waiting in the living room by the Christmas tree. My daughter, her husband and little girl were coming soon. They were going to babysit Baby Andrew while Andrew, his fiance and mom headed downtown.
My heart began to thud in my chest. I told myself to stay calm and positive. This was his day. It was going to be painful seeing him led away in handcuffs, but then he will be moving forward. Toward release.
Several friends stopped by to say their goodbyes. Suddenly it was time to go. We piled in the car. My heart was thudding in my chest. But I was determined to hold it together. To show strength and a positive attitude for my son.
Then my son's fiance's father called. She put him on speaker phone. He wanted to speak to my son. He gave him some manly words of advice and then, in his beautiful Latino voice told him to take care of himself and he loved him. After he hung up, I noticed all of us were wiping tears from our eyes.
My son's fiance laughed and said her dad's voice often made people cry.
But there were many more tears. And hugs. As we walked towards the courthouse my son jokingly said, "Look at Mom. We're all crying and she was walking along joyfully!"
I stopped and looked at him. I told him I was not joyful, just relieved that he was on his way towards putting this behind him.
In the courtroom, we all stood when the judge entered. He is a very compassionate judge. He allowed my son to defer his sentence until after the birth of his son. He recommended the DISP program, an intensive drug and alcohol probation program that reduces jail time. And he has given Andrew many positive words of encouragement.
He greeted us and congratulated Andrew on his progress. He looked him straight in the eye and said, "Mr. Jefferson, you are not the same man that appeared before me at the beginning of this journey. I commend you on turning your life around. Unfortunately the next phase of the journey will be difficult as you will be spending time in jail. But you have already begun you DISP program with a jail sentence hanging over you. You have passed all your UA's and attended the recommended classes. You will continue to succeed now that you have made these positive changes. You will be a good role model for your son".
Andrew at that point raised his hand and thanked the judge for all he had done for his case. The judge looked sincerely moved. I imagine he does not have many people thanking him before he sends them away to prison.
The sentencing hearing was short. Too short. Because Andrew's attorney told him he could hug us, but not leave the courtroom. The doors opened, and two female deputies came in. They looked very serious. One was carrying handcuffs.
I almost lost it right there. But Andrew looked at us and said he would be o.k. He mouthed, "I love you" to his fiance. He thanked his lawyer. He even thanked the very stern D.A. She smiled slightly and told us to take care.
And then they took him out of the courtroom. The heavy door slammed shut. And so did a little door in my heart.
But I had to remain strong. My son's fiance and mother and I were driving back home. To where my grandson was waiting.
It was dark, cold and wet outside. It was only 5:30 p.m., but it felt much later. We made our way to the parking garage in silence. The I-84 freeway was bumper-to-bumper traffic. We all let out our breath and started talking about what lay ahead. And how proud we were of Andrew in court. And how blessed we were with the judge and his attorney.
The last year had been difficult. And what lay ahead in the immediate future had many unknown trials. But we had come this far.
Suddenly my fiance's phone rang. It was the Multnomah County Jail. She answered the phone. I heard my son's voice say, "Hello Baby!"
To be continued....
Then my son's fiance's father called. She put him on speaker phone. He wanted to speak to my son. He gave him some manly words of advice and then, in his beautiful Latino voice told him to take care of himself and he loved him. After he hung up, I noticed all of us were wiping tears from our eyes.
My son's fiance laughed and said her dad's voice often made people cry.
But there were many more tears. And hugs. As we walked towards the courthouse my son jokingly said, "Look at Mom. We're all crying and she was walking along joyfully!"
I stopped and looked at him. I told him I was not joyful, just relieved that he was on his way towards putting this behind him.
In the courtroom, we all stood when the judge entered. He is a very compassionate judge. He allowed my son to defer his sentence until after the birth of his son. He recommended the DISP program, an intensive drug and alcohol probation program that reduces jail time. And he has given Andrew many positive words of encouragement.
He greeted us and congratulated Andrew on his progress. He looked him straight in the eye and said, "Mr. Jefferson, you are not the same man that appeared before me at the beginning of this journey. I commend you on turning your life around. Unfortunately the next phase of the journey will be difficult as you will be spending time in jail. But you have already begun you DISP program with a jail sentence hanging over you. You have passed all your UA's and attended the recommended classes. You will continue to succeed now that you have made these positive changes. You will be a good role model for your son".
Andrew at that point raised his hand and thanked the judge for all he had done for his case. The judge looked sincerely moved. I imagine he does not have many people thanking him before he sends them away to prison.
The sentencing hearing was short. Too short. Because Andrew's attorney told him he could hug us, but not leave the courtroom. The doors opened, and two female deputies came in. They looked very serious. One was carrying handcuffs.
I almost lost it right there. But Andrew looked at us and said he would be o.k. He mouthed, "I love you" to his fiance. He thanked his lawyer. He even thanked the very stern D.A. She smiled slightly and told us to take care.
And then they took him out of the courtroom. The heavy door slammed shut. And so did a little door in my heart.
But I had to remain strong. My son's fiance and mother and I were driving back home. To where my grandson was waiting.
It was dark, cold and wet outside. It was only 5:30 p.m., but it felt much later. We made our way to the parking garage in silence. The I-84 freeway was bumper-to-bumper traffic. We all let out our breath and started talking about what lay ahead. And how proud we were of Andrew in court. And how blessed we were with the judge and his attorney.
The last year had been difficult. And what lay ahead in the immediate future had many unknown trials. But we had come this far.
Suddenly my fiance's phone rang. It was the Multnomah County Jail. She answered the phone. I heard my son's voice say, "Hello Baby!"
To be continued....
Day 5: "Papers, Bitte!"
(394 days to go)
I did not hear from my son until about 2:30 this afternoon. I am trying to discipline myself to be mindful about my day, and focus on what is at hand rather than let my imagination go wild with what my son is going through.
We spoke briefly as I got off the bus, on my way to the library to blog before I go teach piano lessons.
It is such a beautiful, winter day in Portland. The sky is a pale blue. It is chilly and crisp, but still. No arctic wind to chill the bones. Still, as I type this, my heart aches as I remember how much my son loves these kinds of days. I will ask him next time we speak if they are allowed any outside time at Coffee Creek.
He still has not gotten his prescriptions. So I just wrote a letter to his attorney. I left a voicemail this weekend, but I realize he is very busy. And Andrew is not his immediate concern. I also informed him that Andrew does not have a sheet with his charges printed. He is really worried about being sent to the next facility without his papers on him. I told his lawyer that the other prisoners look at your charges to see if you committed a sex crime. If you have, you will be tortured.
This sounds like paranoid thinking, but I have heard about this from several men here on the outside. And Andrew has heard about it on the inside.
We need to have his papers in order.
In the back of my mind, I hear a loud German Gestapo, asking for papers, bitte!
Oy!
I need to take a few moments to breathe.
Andrew said he did testing today. Basic reading, writing and math. I am curious how that will fit into his assessment.
That is all the news I have for now.
To be continued tomorrow....
I did not hear from my son until about 2:30 this afternoon. I am trying to discipline myself to be mindful about my day, and focus on what is at hand rather than let my imagination go wild with what my son is going through.
We spoke briefly as I got off the bus, on my way to the library to blog before I go teach piano lessons.
It is such a beautiful, winter day in Portland. The sky is a pale blue. It is chilly and crisp, but still. No arctic wind to chill the bones. Still, as I type this, my heart aches as I remember how much my son loves these kinds of days. I will ask him next time we speak if they are allowed any outside time at Coffee Creek.
He still has not gotten his prescriptions. So I just wrote a letter to his attorney. I left a voicemail this weekend, but I realize he is very busy. And Andrew is not his immediate concern. I also informed him that Andrew does not have a sheet with his charges printed. He is really worried about being sent to the next facility without his papers on him. I told his lawyer that the other prisoners look at your charges to see if you committed a sex crime. If you have, you will be tortured.
This sounds like paranoid thinking, but I have heard about this from several men here on the outside. And Andrew has heard about it on the inside.
We need to have his papers in order.
In the back of my mind, I hear a loud German Gestapo, asking for papers, bitte!
Oy!
I need to take a few moments to breathe.
Andrew said he did testing today. Basic reading, writing and math. I am curious how that will fit into his assessment.
That is all the news I have for now.
To be continued tomorrow....
Day 4: This is Not Reality TV
(395 Days to go)
I woke up at 4:00 a.m. this morning. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about my son.
I feel so helpless. I can't fix this for him.
But what I can do is increase my knowledge. Help him navigate this system he has become a part of. So I went online and downloaded the Coffee Creek Inmate Handbook. Read the whole thing.
I highlighted the points I thought would help him and messaged him. He still has not gotten his prescription meds. In the handbook, it says that an inmate can fill out a "Kyte" form for their questions and needs. A prescription is a definite need.
It also gave the inmates daily schedule. Which includes lining up for meds. I also messaged him the schedule. Although, I imagine he is already getting the idea of what to expect. Here is the schedule from the handbook:
I woke up at 4:00 a.m. this morning. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about my son.
I feel so helpless. I can't fix this for him.
But what I can do is increase my knowledge. Help him navigate this system he has become a part of. So I went online and downloaded the Coffee Creek Inmate Handbook. Read the whole thing.
I highlighted the points I thought would help him and messaged him. He still has not gotten his prescription meds. In the handbook, it says that an inmate can fill out a "Kyte" form for their questions and needs. A prescription is a definite need.
It also gave the inmates daily schedule. Which includes lining up for meds. I also messaged him the schedule. Although, I imagine he is already getting the idea of what to expect. Here is the schedule from the handbook:
"The following is a general outline of the housing unit
schedule. Actual times may vary.
5:00 am Special needs line.
5:30 am Cell lights on.
5:45 am Morning meal.
AM Orderlies start time.
6:00 am A-Unit Medical Triage Line.
6:15 am B-Unit Medical Triage Line.
6:30 am O-Unit Medical Triage Line.
6:45 am Q-Unit Medical Triage Line.
8:00 am Medication Line O/Q.
9:00 am Medication Line A/B.
7:15 am Dayroom clean up, food carts to
corridor.
7:30 am Unit/Dayroom/Cell cleaning - all units. All bunks are to be made and cells will be ready for sanitation inspection.
7:30 am Morning Dayroom/Yard for inmates on juvenile status. Televisions may be turned on and may be on different channels.
7:30 am Unit/Dayroom/Cell cleaning - all units. All bunks are to be made and cells will be ready for sanitation inspection.
7:30 am Morning Dayroom/Yard for inmates on juvenile status. Televisions may be turned on and may be on different channels.
8:30 am Dayroom for inmates with no
restrictions (forty-five minute maximum
per tier, odd days=bottom tiers first,
even days=top tiers first).
Yard – weather permitting.
11:05 am Count – Inmates will be required to be
sitting up on their assigned bunks for
this count. Unit televisions will be off.
11:30 am Special needs line.
11:45 am Noon meal.
12:45 pm Dayroom clean up, food carts to
corridor.
1:00 pm Dayroom/Yard – weather permitting.
Televisions are permitted to be turned
on. Unit televisions may be on different
channels.
1:30 pm Medication line O/Q
2:00 pm Medication line A/B
3:00 pm PM Orderlies start time.
3:30 pm Clothing exchange (Mon., Wed., Fri. &
Sat.)
- 13 -
4:30 pm Count – Inmates will be required to be
sitting up on their assigned bunks for
this count. Unit televisions will be off.
5:15 pm Evening Meal.
6:30 pm Dayroom clean up, food carts to
corridor.
6:45 pm Dayroom for all units, Yard – seasonal.
7:15 pm Medication line O/Q.
8:30 pm Medication line A/B.
8:45 pm General dayroom closed.
8:45 pm Evening dayroom for inmates on
juvenile status.
9:30 pm Special needs line.
10:15 pm Count (not a sit-up count)
10:15 pm Cell lights out."
I also copied the above info and sent it to his fiance and my daughter. Apparently I am going a little overboard. I have to remember that my brain functions a bit differently than other people. I am very much interested in "too much information". And planning.
I need to remember that this may stress other people out. Sigh.
One thing that has me worried is the prison culture. I've heard some stories about what it's really like on the inside. It's not like Hollywood portrays it to be. Or reality television.
I played the piano in church this morning. Trying to focus on the music, the service, anything but my thudding heart and worries about my son.
After the service was over, a woman about my age approached me. She put an envelope on the piano with her name and phone number.
"I heard about your son", she said gently. "Our family recently went through something similar. I want you to know you can call me anytime".
I thanked her. I felt the tears welling up. Behind her stood a tall young man. He was smiling slightly, but his eyes looked sad. He came up and hugged me. He told me he had spent 3 years in Coyote Ridge, the "toughest prison in Washington".
We talked. He shared some stories about prison life with me. I was horrified. But it felt good to talk with people who knew what I was going through. It is so difficult to be jolly and "Ho-Ho Ho" with good cheer when your son has been taken from you.
This young man assured me Andrew would be o.k. "He just needs to be aware. Watch out for the gangs. Be friendly and respectful, but don't trust anyone. Stay busy. Go to classes, AA meetings, Christian groups, work as much as possible and stay positive".
My heart is thudding again. My son's fiancé told me I need to remember to breathe. My daughter said I am obsessing and I need to chill out.
I probably should keep myself busy like I advised my son.
To be continued...
I played the piano in church this morning. Trying to focus on the music, the service, anything but my thudding heart and worries about my son.
After the service was over, a woman about my age approached me. She put an envelope on the piano with her name and phone number.
"I heard about your son", she said gently. "Our family recently went through something similar. I want you to know you can call me anytime".
I thanked her. I felt the tears welling up. Behind her stood a tall young man. He was smiling slightly, but his eyes looked sad. He came up and hugged me. He told me he had spent 3 years in Coyote Ridge, the "toughest prison in Washington".
We talked. He shared some stories about prison life with me. I was horrified. But it felt good to talk with people who knew what I was going through. It is so difficult to be jolly and "Ho-Ho Ho" with good cheer when your son has been taken from you.
This young man assured me Andrew would be o.k. "He just needs to be aware. Watch out for the gangs. Be friendly and respectful, but don't trust anyone. Stay busy. Go to classes, AA meetings, Christian groups, work as much as possible and stay positive".
My heart is thudding again. My son's fiancé told me I need to remember to breathe. My daughter said I am obsessing and I need to chill out.
I probably should keep myself busy like I advised my son.
To be continued...
Day 3: Coffee Creek
(396 Days to go)
I started the morning worrying. I had put money on my son's phone account for county jail, figuring he would need to talk to us before he was transferred. But he hadn't called since last night.
As the hours ticked by, my chest tightened.
I hopped on the bus to Portland for a long day of teaching piano, and rehearsal for an upcoming choral concert. I tried to focus on my work. I knew he was o.k. He wouldn't always get phone privileges, I tried to assure myself. Myself wasn't taking it. I was worried.
I told myself not to worry. But pray. I did. A lot.
On my break, I looked up my son's on the Multnomah County Sheriff website. I was so relieved when his picture popped up. He looked healthy and strong. A bit of sadness in his eyes. But determined. The information on the website said he had been transferred to Coffee Creek.
I immediately messaged our group: His fiancé, her mother and my daughter. I told them I found him. He was already at Coffee Creek! Just then his fiancé said, "He's calling!"
I breathed again.
But my emotional roller coaster was again going up a hill. Since Andrew had turned himself in, he did not have a charge sheet. A piece of paper, most inmates getting when they go from county jail, to Coffee Creek for assessment before prison. It showed your identity and your charges.
Apparently the inmates in state prison compared charge sheets. If your charges included in sex crimes, you were not treated well by the other prisoners.
He had asked a guard about his charge sheet. No luck. He filled out a "Kyte" form, which is a form used in jail for inmate requests. He has not received an answer.
He has also not received his meds. He is taking two antidepressants. He was assured that the medical staff at Coffee Creek would inquire about meds, call his doctor and dispense them to him every morning.
What we are learning is that time moves much slower in prison. I am hopeful that he will get his meds and his charges sheet.
If only my heart would slow down!
I am having to remind myself to breathe.
To be continued....
I started the morning worrying. I had put money on my son's phone account for county jail, figuring he would need to talk to us before he was transferred. But he hadn't called since last night.
As the hours ticked by, my chest tightened.
I hopped on the bus to Portland for a long day of teaching piano, and rehearsal for an upcoming choral concert. I tried to focus on my work. I knew he was o.k. He wouldn't always get phone privileges, I tried to assure myself. Myself wasn't taking it. I was worried.
I told myself not to worry. But pray. I did. A lot.
On my break, I looked up my son's on the Multnomah County Sheriff website. I was so relieved when his picture popped up. He looked healthy and strong. A bit of sadness in his eyes. But determined. The information on the website said he had been transferred to Coffee Creek.
I immediately messaged our group: His fiancé, her mother and my daughter. I told them I found him. He was already at Coffee Creek! Just then his fiancé said, "He's calling!"
I breathed again.
But my emotional roller coaster was again going up a hill. Since Andrew had turned himself in, he did not have a charge sheet. A piece of paper, most inmates getting when they go from county jail, to Coffee Creek for assessment before prison. It showed your identity and your charges.
Apparently the inmates in state prison compared charge sheets. If your charges included in sex crimes, you were not treated well by the other prisoners.
He had asked a guard about his charge sheet. No luck. He filled out a "Kyte" form, which is a form used in jail for inmate requests. He has not received an answer.
He has also not received his meds. He is taking two antidepressants. He was assured that the medical staff at Coffee Creek would inquire about meds, call his doctor and dispense them to him every morning.
What we are learning is that time moves much slower in prison. I am hopeful that he will get his meds and his charges sheet.
If only my heart would slow down!
I am having to remind myself to breathe.
To be continued....
Day 2: County Jail
continued from Day 1....(397 Days to go)
"Hello Baby", I heard my son say through his fiancé's phone. We were all suddenly energized. We could not believe he was able to call us so soon. He was in the holding cell of the Multnomah County Justice Center. He felt positive. It was better than last year when he was first arrested. Now he knew his fate. He wasn't certain what facility he would end up to do his time, or his exact release date. But he knew he would be transferred to Coffee Creek within the next day or two.
Coffee Creek is a correctional facility in Wilsonville, Oregon. All male prisoners in Oregon begin their incarceration journey there. It is where they undergo assessment. It is essentially an intake process. Coffee Creek is also a prison for female inmates.
All of the people we have talked to say that the most difficult part of incarceration in Oregon is the 4 to 6 week intake process at Coffee Creek. You are mostly locked down in a cell with one cell mate for approximately 20 hours a day. You released into the common area for meals, walking and for assessment every few hours. During your out time, you can use the phone. But you are not allowed visitors.
I knew it would be hard on my son. My heart was aching.
But his first call was positive. He was feeling hopeful about the future. I know how much he loves his fiancé, their baby boy and his life on the outside. But this is something he has to do to ensure a solid future with them. I was proud even though my feelings were raw.
Later that evening, when I was getting ready for bed, the phone rang. It was my son! He sounded strong, but his voice was breaking. "I miss my son", he said choking on a sob. I told him he is in good hands.
Then I told him how we got to his apartment, and my daughter looked frazzled. The baby had been an angel, but the dog and her own 2 year-old daughter, my granddaughter had been wild little hellions!
He laughed as I told him the story. Then he told me the good news:
"They took off both of my ankle bracelets! I feel so much lighter!"
(He had a GPS and an ankle monitor for most of the last year).
My heart warmed. I am clinging to every bit of good news like a life preserver.
Day 2 down.
"Hello Baby", I heard my son say through his fiancé's phone. We were all suddenly energized. We could not believe he was able to call us so soon. He was in the holding cell of the Multnomah County Justice Center. He felt positive. It was better than last year when he was first arrested. Now he knew his fate. He wasn't certain what facility he would end up to do his time, or his exact release date. But he knew he would be transferred to Coffee Creek within the next day or two.
Coffee Creek is a correctional facility in Wilsonville, Oregon. All male prisoners in Oregon begin their incarceration journey there. It is where they undergo assessment. It is essentially an intake process. Coffee Creek is also a prison for female inmates.
All of the people we have talked to say that the most difficult part of incarceration in Oregon is the 4 to 6 week intake process at Coffee Creek. You are mostly locked down in a cell with one cell mate for approximately 20 hours a day. You released into the common area for meals, walking and for assessment every few hours. During your out time, you can use the phone. But you are not allowed visitors.
I knew it would be hard on my son. My heart was aching.
But his first call was positive. He was feeling hopeful about the future. I know how much he loves his fiancé, their baby boy and his life on the outside. But this is something he has to do to ensure a solid future with them. I was proud even though my feelings were raw.
Later that evening, when I was getting ready for bed, the phone rang. It was my son! He sounded strong, but his voice was breaking. "I miss my son", he said choking on a sob. I told him he is in good hands.
Then I told him how we got to his apartment, and my daughter looked frazzled. The baby had been an angel, but the dog and her own 2 year-old daughter, my granddaughter had been wild little hellions!
He laughed as I told him the story. Then he told me the good news:
"They took off both of my ankle bracelets! I feel so much lighter!"
(He had a GPS and an ankle monitor for most of the last year).
My heart warmed. I am clinging to every bit of good news like a life preserver.
Day 2 down.
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